Maybe it's just because I'm pregnant and the emotions and hormones are all over the place, but I'm finding it hard to stay positive sometimes. I do remind myself that I'm doing alright and there's a whole lot of love spinning around me and that surely should keep me strong but arrrghhhhhhhh!!!
Jam lost his job yesterday, he has another one, two days a week, which is a teaching position, more in his line of work and didn't particularly enjoy the one he lost, although it was a godsend at the time of getting it,and he's got great arm muscles from it too! The job was a landscape gardening job, although it was really a glorified litter picking job and I had to remind him when he called me nostalgically from one of the sites he'd proudly worked on, that he wouldn't have to get up at ridiculous o'clock anymore (well not until the baby arrives!) and he could find more fulfilling and hopefully better paid work doing what he enjoys doing etc. and it wasn't until he had to pick up a used condom whilst talking to me that he remembered all this and snapped out of it and carried on thinking positively!
It is hard though, I am sure we will pull through and do the right thing, I sometimes feel that I'm in a dream and will wake up and everything will be different. I'm having crazy dreams, some of them horrid twisted nightmares and really horrid thoughts too, that just aren't me, and to top it all, there's this great big boil-like creature that has decided to make a home on my chin - and the weirdest thing is that exactly this time last year, when we were on our honeymoon, the very same creature visited! I mean, what is going on! Most of my honeymoon pictures had me holding a biscuit or glass of wine in front of my face, whilst trying to explain to the locals that 'no my husband hasn't been beating me or throwing me around - it did look like I had been thrown to the ground, a pulsing crusty ball like a mouldy apple stuck to my chin (nice) and we met some great herbalists who gave me some tinctures and ointments to use. It built such a huge mansion on my chin last year, that this year, I'm not giving it anything, letting it know that it is NOT welcome on my chin and can jolly well clear off and find a home somewhere else.
Yes, staying positive ;)